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March 16, 1962     Catholic Northwest Progress
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t Stand By The Cross grday,,,,MaFch ,I , 1962 "THE PROGRESS--. i By Rev. Michael Cody D Holy Family Parish, Seattle (The Stations of the Cross exist as a devotion for one purpose only, Father Cody writes in his preface to this series of Lenten devo- tional reading, and that is to help the Christian think for himself about the Pas- sion o[ ]esus. The Stations can help /ollowers of Christ lind union with the Passion of Our Lord. "'No man can altogether avoid suffering in this life,'" Father Cody wrote, "but suffering is D worthless unless deliberately united to tile Way of Jesus' Cross." Each week during Lent, The Progress will print a different set of sta- tions for use of its readers. Some have been written with children in mind, al- !ht ugh they may be readily used by adults. This is tile second in the series and is directed to married couples.) I Jesus is condemned to death. " I remember the day Ivoas married. Life seemed so full of promise. Joy beyond words beckoned me into a new and lorious life. The words of the riest rang in my ears: "You will receive the great- est measure of happiness that can be alloted to man in this life." Little did I realize that my wedding ,day was a condemna- tion to death---death to myself. The happiness of matrimony, I kmhnow, is woven of sacrifice for e other half of my being-- y spouse. Jesus, condemned to death that I may live, give me Your divine selflessness. Con- demn me to die to myself that I may give eternal life to my companion in mar- riage. II ]esus is made to carry His Cr,OS$. "Receive this ring as a pledge of my fidelity." What fun we had in selecting the wedding bands that would signify our belonging to each other. Had I to do it over, I think I would have had the cross of Jesus engraved on the bands for a constant reminder of the sacrifice of spirit that marital fidelity requires. Even my mind belongs to this person I have wedded. Jesus, gladly do I aeeept the cross of faithfulness, that together my spouse and I might win everlasting joy. |11 lesus alls /or the first time. Jesus, You said that You were the Way, the Truth and the Life. The Way is the Way of the Cross, and in marriage I have freely chosen to trod the street to paradise with another soul whom You love. We both, Jesus, You and I together--love the one I mar- ried. I firmly resolve, O my Lord, to never allow my human love to wander from its anion with Your love Of my spouse. Jesus, I renew my obligation to work for our togetherness in grace, in spite of my failings. iV Jesus meets his Mother. I am once and for all set on the Way of salvation with my partner., and have left father and mother to cling to a spouse. But has this been the end of the fourth com- mandment for me? As parents get older, often they tend still to think of me as a child and perhaps do not credit me with the good sense of a parent in my own right. They live in the past so much of the time. Too bad they can't be the kind of understanding, interested-- but non-interfering -- parent that Mary was. Let's face the other fact--I am not the kind of lov- ing child that Jesus was. O Jesus, may compassion and understanding come tO my heart for my parents. May I gladden their lives and daily pray for their eternal welfare. V Simon o I Cyrene helps lesus carry His cross. Simon and Jesus carried the Cross as one. Without Simon of Cyrene, Jesus Himself would not have had the strength to reach Calvary. Without my love and understanding, with my constant attitude of concern for easing the cross of my spouse, he perhaps would not alone be able to reach his goal--eternal life. Our salvation is loving to- getherness and sacrifice. Jesus, may my spouse and I carry the wood of wedded life in perfect tandem. Vl Veronica wipes the lace of les.s. How often have I seen the strain of hard work tell its story on the face of my wedded companion? A tough day on the job. the mentally deafen- ing roar of children's clamor --it shows itself to one who loves. But what is my attitude when I behold it? It is: "If my spouse spent more time thinking about my prob. lems in this marriage, it sure would help around here!" Or is the attitude rather: "What may I do to wash 'away the care and weariness of my heart's love?" Jesus, give me the heart of thoughtfuless that was Veronica's. VII ]esus falls jot the second time. The falls, the stumbling blocks of married life have an effect on our everlasting sal- vation. Great trials--such as the birth of children that are not normal physically or men- tally -- are trials so immense that they can pick us up and hurl us onto the ground with a crash and crush that only the weight of a true cross can inflict. I can become embit- tered and curse God for an apparent injustice. Or--I can cry out from the depths: "Lord, I believe in Your mercy and goodness. Help my unbelief. Please! Save me before I drown in rebel- lion against your Holy will. Not mine, but Thy will be done." Slowly, but surely, Christ VIII lesus comforts the women o/ Jerusalem. The Way of our cross is not a small, untraveled lane. It is a city freeway. We are sur- rounded by others who also must reach Calvary to be with God. Such were the women of Jerusalem. Jesus stopped to instruct and console them. Do I imitate Him in my relations to my fellow Way-farers out. side the stronghold of my marriage? Jesus, give me the grace to share with others the les- sons which you distilled into the reservoir of my heart from the bitter wood of my sacrifice. Let me instruet others, if it should please my pastor, in the way of salva- tion. Grant me, O Lord, to get outside my selfishness, and give the bread of revela- tion to others. IX ]esus falls /or the third time. We love our children whom You have given into our care. But our love for them is a blinding thing. We tend to think of them as our very own, without relation to You. We love and enjoy them for themselves all to often, rath- er than in and through You, my God. Let me realize that I am preparing them for their way of the cross. Give me an iron, Christian discipline, padded by love, to guide them surely to the cross. Help me make them strong, courageous and steadfast in faith by example and com- mand with a genuine follow: through. Jesus, make my children my crown in heaven, and let them not, through my neglect, be the cause of my downfall, my damnation. X Jesus is stripped o t His garments. In our marriage, g{ve us the shamelessness of Adam and Eve. Let us see the physieal bond of Christian marriage as the pure and heights of sacrifice. Make us to realize that marriage union is sacramental in character and is meant to increase and stabilize sanctifying grace in our souls. No animal aet this, but the spiritual generation of compassion and chastity. Jesus, grant us these virtues in our union. XI ]esus is nailed to the CROSS. Am I the wandering kind-- never content to be at home with my family, always look- ing for an excuse for some- thing to do, the owner of im- modest glances? Drive the nails hard into my wristst Fix me to the cross of marriage day in and day out. My family is my salvation. Drill it into my head. Stay my feet with the spike of devotion to family du--nail them to the very threshold of + my home. Keep me close to spouse and hearth in love of You and imitation of Your own nail- ing to Calvary's cross. XII Jesus dies on the cross. "Greater love than this no man has, that a man lay down his life for his friends." These words were spoken to us on our wedding day. It seemed so easy to promise then. But'I did not know death to self for the terrible life- long cross it is. It means lay- ing down, deliberately and with full consciousness, my own de- sires, likes and dislikes, in favor of our union. Now I know far better than on the marriage day, that it takes more than a ring and an "I will' to make a marriage. There would have been no salvation for us if Christ had accepted the cross at the sec- ond station and said: "No thanks, this is a little more than I bargained for. Let's leave it here. I can find something better to do than this." Jesus, You took it the whole way. Give me marital grace to plunge myself all the days of my life in the sea of sacrifice. XIII Iesus is taken down from the cross. Nailed to the cross, Our Lord's body was knotted and tense with pain. Now the nails are out. The way is over. But even along the way, there were little scenes of rest, times of refreshment when the cross could be forgotten, even if only for a moment. In marriage's way of' the cross, there are countless little lulls of quiet when the partners can relax and refresh themselves with their mutual love. But all too often, when these priceless times have come, I have gone my own way and ignored the spouse. I considered these times which God meant to de- light and refresh me for further battle as being my own to do with as I please. TV or the paper was better than sitting at the kitchen table over a cup of coffee and some small talk. God, grant that when the tension on the nail is eased for a bit, I might take ad- vantage of it, and come to know my better half better. XIV esus is laid in the tomb. Death will some day come to us. In all likelihood one will remain in this life longer than the &her. Then the bend will be broken and one will have to bear a new and even heavier cross -- the lonely widow oro widower. In so many cases, the survival of this final cross by one of us will depend on the solidity of a deliberately in- grained spirit of sacrifice pa- tiently built up over the years. The ability to renounce self and live for God alone, will be my salvation .when' and if I am left alone. And should I be called first, this same self- lessness will the mark of eternal beatitude upon my soul. Jesus, may I five with You every day of my life. May I die to myself a little bit more every day. May I and this one who is pledged to me on this earth, together carry our cross to happiness of unend- ing joy. Through Christ Our Lord, Amen. t;od Love You II o -Special Mission Appeals Jly MOST R.VEREND FULTON J. SHEEN ' OMETIMES donors like to make GOD LOVE YOU to Mr. and Mrs. M. gifts to particular missions instead B. for 8 "My husband says if two.thlrds of allowing the Holy Father to deci,de of the world goes to bed hungry, he can do ohn Eckhart where their offerings should be sent. the same once a week. He fasts every Tues- Knowing full well the satisfaction many day that we may send the savings to the Notes oy" ivtg0000s-r r00noTr--'x people experience through direct giving, we Missions."... to J. H. for $15 "I area asked the Holy Father's Congregation for the teen-ager who promised to send 1 a week Propagation of the Faith to assign us some to floe Missions if I found a job. I have now By JOHN d. ECKHART special mission appeals. We received five, and been working 15 weeks." . . . to Mrs. E. P. THE LAYMAN AND HIS has come to take for gran(ed in "How can Morton be for two of these shall be offered to our readers, for 1 "In thanksgiving for a favor re- CONSCIENCE. By the writings of Msgr. Knox. If real." Ronald Knox. 218 pp. you don't have time to make a But Merton is reel, and he ceived." . . . to M.L.B. for $6 "I a a 65- Shoed & Ward. $3.50. retreat get this book anyway is in contact with reality, the The first is the building of a chapel on the year-old widow who must work to support and take it a chapter at a time. real reality that alone can give Island of Timor (Indonesia) in the.diocese of nay 90-year-old mother. The Sacred Heart THIS book whi,ch is It is not only a most painless man's travail some reason. In has been so good to us that I am enclosing 1 published posthu- way to clean up your spir- this book Father Louis writes Atambua. For years our missionaries have tried ituality, but really--from a lit- of that reality in a series of to bring the Gospel to this area. Ten years ago, $6 for the poor of the world." . . . to E.J.R. mously by the estate of erary standpoint -- delightful short essays on such subjects they succeeded, and now there are 5,O00 con- for $5 "To thank St. Jude Thaddeus for the late Msgr. Ronald reading, and full of so u n d as, "What is Contemplation," thought on the spiritual life "The Root of War is Fear," yurts. Mass is presentb; celebrated in the house granting my request." D Knox is taken from his within the grasp of every Cath- "The Moral Theology of the of a member of the parish, thousands forced to notes for a retreat for lay- olic. Devil," "Faith," and "Learn to stand outside. Rome tells us a chapel could be At a loss for gift suggestions? Turn them into men. However the r e a d e r L.R.C. be alone." should not get the idea the built on the Island for $20,000. a gain for The Society for the Propagation of literary quality of the book is NEW SEEDS OF CON- Father Louis gets e a c h of less than that perfection which T E M P L A T I O N, by these, and many other flowers the Faith by selecting either our smart cuff has marked Knox's o t h e r Thomas Merton, New of thought squarely in the bowl Is there anyone among our readers who link sets (oval or scuare), tie clasp or ladies' of contemplation. Each subject charm. Made of gold-colored Hamilton finish books simply because it is tak- Directions, $4.50, 297 is reflected and made readable would like to build this chapel? It will be all en from his notes for a retreat. + We know that Msgr. Knox me- PP.. by light from the source of all yours . . . the first chapel built in that area with the raised, red insignia of the Society, dLtieulously w r ote out every In rewewing or criticising light. To the extent that Mer- the first fitting tabernacle for the these items are ideal for seminarians, class iword of every sermon he spoke books by Thomas M e r t o n ton is restricted, he is less and ' " " awards, any and all giving. Specify the items and it appears this practice (Father M. Louis) we are in less able to expose thought that Eucharistic Lord! What a beautiful chance to you desire, enclose a minimum offering of $3 was followed here. constant jeopardy of sinning by is not permeated with contem- make reparation for your sins. We need not for each piece and send your name and address The book is in no sense nse- superlative, plation, tell you that it is tax-deductible, for this would to The Society for the Propagation of the Faith, quel to "A Retreat for Lay Thomas Morton is unique, And this is not a criticism, not be your reason for giving. But we do re- Order Department, 366 5th Ave., New York 1, People," published in this coun- and has occupied a special only an observation. His facil- mind you that it is sin-deductible, which is N.Y. try in 1955. That book general- niche in letters since publica- ity will probably convince the more important, for "Charity eovereth a mub ly followed the first week of tion of "The S e ven Storey reader, as he intended, and as titude of sins." St. Ignatius' spiritual exercis- Mountain." Normally we would is correct, that in the end, this Cut out this column, pin your sacrifice to it IlL+us. Msgr. Knox referred to the not equate this atypicality with is all that will have mattered. "['HE many who cannot make such a grand IFretreat in this book as a great talent, but in t his in- As the great d o c t:o r, St. and mail it to Most Rev. Fulton J. Sheen, spring-cleaning, but "a not stance it holds. Thomas Aquinas reasoned el- / gift can still bring their baskets with a few National Direetor of the Soeie for the Propa- very thorough spring-cleaning, His literary works continue ter finishing the magnificent loaves and fishes. The Lord will multiply such a sort of flick round with the to oecupy that special niche works of his genius: charity for our 200,000 missionaries. Send your gatinn of the Faith, 366 5th Avenue, New York duster." carved out by his fine gifts "It is all straw." offerings, large or small, that your brothers on 1, N.Y., or your Archdiocesan Director, Roy. The first part of the book coupled with his integrity as generally deals with God, His a writer. As I follow Merton through Timor may have a fitting home for the Host. Stephen Szeman, 907 Terry Avenue, Seattle 4, Love, and prayer. The see- At times we are tempted to his writings I would be less ................................................................................................................................................................................. ond part consisting of six ask, is it possible for a man and less amazed to find that book is expanded in content years of contemplation. Non-Phrents of Year chapters concerns not indi- who obviously operates on a one day he would so conclude, and throught. We ere all called to be con- The population controllers vidual sins but "the selves spiritual level n o t given to The road he asks us to follow While Father Louis would templatives, of different orders are not satisfied with winning out of which the sins flow, most, as most of us do not does not seem effortless, but what is really happening in- work at it, to busy himself we know it is. Christ asks us perhaps be remiss in ad- and separate degrees, but this acceptance for contraception. Scientist James Bonner now side them, what habits of with the mundane task of hit- to follow the same road. missions of this kind, I feel book may help the individual reports a proposal that would mind have grown in 'upon ring the keys of a ypewriter. In 1948 Thomas M e r ton he'has added a great deal renew his spiritual e f f o r t s create new prestige for those them." As a rather irreverent but wrote ,"Seeds of Contempla- to the first "Seeds" book, along the paths of perfection, who avoid parenthood. Hail to The book has all the sparkle, devoted follower of Father tion." Few of the original chap- and the best addition is the in the constant growth of God's the Non-Mother and Non-Father wit and brilliance the reader Louis' writings once opined ters are repeated here. The fruit of rinse intervening love in the soul. of the Year! Professor of Sociology at St. Louis University As a mother with six children, I help my husband'in his business, take my children to and [rom school, and haven't had a vacation in 15 years. My husband takes a hunti, lg or fishing trip every year, but when I tell him I'd love to go some place he gets nlad. Would it be wrong to just pick up and leave [or a week? Alter 15 years, I need a change o/scenery! NDER THE circumstances, I rather think that a vacation would do you a g r e a t deal of good, though I don't feel it would solve your basic problem. You're upset, not primarily because you miss that sense of sharing and participation with your husband in the whole of life which normal couples enjoy. You and your husband apparently have learned how to work together. Such cooperation is es- sential for a good marriage. But considered by itself, working together does not necessarily imply the kind of companionship that Christian marriage is meant to supply. You tend to regard your husband's actions as thoughtless and selfish. No doubt they are but the root of your difficulty lies much deeper. It seems clear that you and your husband entered marriage with different expectations, that is, with different definations of your respec- FR. THOMAS tive roles as husband and wife and of what marriage should mean. As you probably know, there are many ways of defining what a good husband and wife should be. Definitions vary from age to age, from nation to nation, and even among vari- ous social classes within the same country. Your husband obviously follows the old tradition that this is a man's world. Wives should remain in the home, content with the companionship of their children and close relatives. Husbands should be free to follow their own pursuits as long as they support their families and observe the moral law. Hus- bands who cling to this tradition are usually following the model they observed in their families of origin. More Than 'Convenient' Partnership OU follow a different tradition. You believe, and quite cor- rectly, that marriage should mean more than a convenient partnership in work; that when a man and woman become "two in one flesh" through marriage, their lives are henceforth fused together in the mutual pursuit of sanctity and hppiness; that husband and wife are "good" for each other, to use a Scriptural phrase, because they complete and support each other as help- mates and companions. Yours is not a new tradition. Centuries ago when explaining the reasons why people should marry, the Catechism of the Council of Trent stated : clearly: "The first is precisely the companionship sought by the na- tural instinct of different sex, and brought about in the hope of mutual aid, so that each may help the other to bear more easily the troubles of llfe, and to support the weakness of old age." Now I do not infer, and I know you don't either, that hus- bands shouldn't take hunting or fishihg trips without their wives. Most wives are willing to skip this form of recreation. + What I am saying is that although husbands may tae such trips, they must also recognize their wives' need for companion- ship nod a "change of scenery." Husbands and wives need not share the likes and dislikes in this regard but they must foster a substantial eore of shared social activities as a couple if their marriage is to become anything more than a convenient business deal. What should you do? Well, you nay be tempted to just "pick up and leave" for a week, but because of your six chil- dren, I know you won't. Nevertheless, you're going to hava to take a firm stand. If I understand your husband, he is not only selfishly thoughtless, he's convinced he's right! Blusters Way Throuqh EMEMBER this the next time he gets "mad" at your re- quest. He gets angry because he defines the situation dif- ferently, yet suspects he can't rationally defend his position and so tries to bluster his way through. Don't argue about his trips--let him take them, since he can probably make out a good ease for them. Rather, insist that you have an equal right to do some of the things you'd like to do. If he mentions the expense--you've ,got him cold there. If he argues that it's too much trouble trying to go anyplace with the children, point out that they're his as well as yours. He'll doubtless be, angry because he knows he can't justify his selfish position. Spell out the facts to him in terms of his obligation before God. Be firm. Let him see that you're serious, and if he doesn't like it, suggest that you see your pastor or a marriage counselor. Remember his anger only indicates that he suspects he's wrong. It's no fun living under tension, but if you fold up every time he gets angry, he'll go on having his own way and never learn that marriage sanctifies through the exercise of charity. "... to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days [ of my life. Sister says, "Use the Maryknoll Missal" Available at your book- store in bindings from $3.95 to $22.50. - ...... ::i:,i!i: ) - X , Publishers to the Holy Apostolic Se+ THE MARYKNOLL DALLY MISSAL P. J. KENEDY & SONS Ikations Give Tho ag .ts to Married Couples Spouses Sharing summation lead us to greater By Father John L. Thomas, S.J.